TREKSPACE

The social network for Star Trek Fans!


POP QUIZ: There were 6 instances where the Christmas holiday is referenced in Trek. Can you name any of the episodes/movies? Answer found at end of post!


Some Trek Christmas Chestnuts for you to share with your kin...


Classic Trek Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the decks
Not a crewman was stirring, 'cept those having sex;
Their boots were all placed by the vent shafts with care,
In hopes that by morning they'd get some fresh air.

The Redshirts were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of staying alive danced in their heads;
And Kirk in his gold shirt, McCoy in his blue,
Had just settled down for a nice Christmas brew—

When from the comm panel there came such a wail,
They sprang from their chairs, knocking over their ale.
Away to the panel Kirk flew, drenched in beer,
Snapped on the comm switch and barked loudly, "Kirk here!"

The squeals that emerged from the thing after that
Sounded just like the Devil was strangling a cat;

When, what to their bombarded ears should appear,
But the music of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,"

With a voice in the background, a murmur of talk,
That made Kirk exclaim, "Bones . . . That sounds just like Spock."

More rapid than bullets his syllables came
As he tested each circuit and called it by name--
"Cross Alpha to Beta, join Delta to Theta,
Route Kappa through Lamba, and Gamma to Zeta.

To the end of the circuit, the end of the line,
Now clip a resistor--there. That should do fine."

As Kirk and McCoy listened closely to this,
The comm unit speaker let out a long hiss.
So, off to the turbolift both of them flew,
With a mind to discover what Spock was up to.

And then, in a twinkling, they reached the bridge deck,
Stepped out of the lift and began a quick check.
As they went down the steps and were looking around,
From a nook Spock emerged, barely making a sound.

He was all dressed in gray from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with solder and soot.
A bag of components he had in one fist,
And held in the other, a rather long list.

His eyes didn't twinkle, his dimples were none,
Yet somehow it looked like he'd been having fun.
His mouth, at one corner, quirked up just a touch,
And one eyebrow lifted, though not by too much.

A soldering iron he held in his teeth,
And the smoke from it circled his head like a wreath.

He looked like a man with a task to complete
And nothing would stop him, not rain, snow, nor sleet.

His two colleagues stood there, dumbfounded by this.
McCoy chuckled softly; Kirk let out hiss.
The look in Spock's eye and the set of his head
Soon gave them to know he would not go to bed.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And tuned all the sensors then turned back to Kirk,

And pressing a button and counting to three,
He lit up the bridge like a huge Christmas Tree.

His work done, he nodded, and walked to the lift
As his friends stared in awe at his luminous gift.
But they heard him exclaim, his voice with good-will rife,
"Merry Christmas! And to you all, Peace and Long Life!"


The Next Generation Trek Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ship
Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip;
The phasers were hung in the armoury securely,
In hope that no alien would get up that early.

The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks
(Except for the few who were partying drunks);
And Picard in his nightshirt, and Bev in her lace,
Had just settled down for a neat face to face...

When out in the hall there arose such a racket,
That we leapt from our beds, pulling on pant and jacket.
Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun,
Leapt into the cars and yelled loudly "Deck One!"

The bridge red-alert lights, which flashed through the din,
Gave a lustre of Hades to objects within.
When, what on the viewscreen, our eyes should behold,
But a weird kind of sleigh, and some guy who looked old.

But the glint in his eyes was so strange and askew,
That we knew in a moment it had to be Q.
His sleigh grew much larger as closer he came.
Then he zapped on the bridge and addressed us by name:

"It's Riker, It's Data, It's Worf and Jean-Luc!
It's Geordi, And Wesley, the genetic fluke!
To the top of the bridge, to the top of the hall!
Now float away! Float away! Float away all!"

As leaves in the autumn are whisked off the street,
So the floor of the bridge came away from our feet,
And up to the ceiling, our bodies they flew,
As the captain called out, "What the Hell is this, Q?!"

The prankster just laughed and expanded his grin,
And, snapping his fingers, he vanished again.
As we took in our plight, and were looking around,
The spell was removed, and we crashed to the ground.

Then Q, dressed in fur from his head to his toe,
Appeared once again, to continue the show.
"That's enough!" cried the captain, "You'll stop this at once!"
And Riker said, "Worf, take aim at this dunce!"

"I'm deeply offended, Jean-Luc" replied Q,
"I just wanted to celebrate Christmas with you."
As we scoffed at his words, he produced a large sack.
He dumped out the contents and took a step back.

"I've brought gifts," he said, "just to show I'm sincere.
There's something delightful for everyone here."
He sat on the floor, and dug into his pile,
And handed out gifts with his most charming smile:

"For Counsellor Troi, there's no need to explain.
Here's Tylenol-Beta for all of your pain.
For Worf I've some mints, as his breath's not too great,
And for Geordi LaForge, an inflatable date."

For Wesley, some hormones, and Clearasil-plus;
For Data, a joke book, For Riker a truss.
For Beverly Crusher, there's sleek lingerie,
And for Jean-Luc, the thrill of just seeing her that way."

And he sprang to his feet with that grin on his face
And, clapping his hands, disappeared into space.
But we heard him exclaim as he dwindled from sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good flight!"

Another TNG version:

'Twas the night before Christmas on the Enterprise-D,
On a routine short hop to Starbase 03,
With Data on duty in the command chair,
At Warp 6, the Enterprise soon would be there.Just for something to do while the other crew slept,
He scanned where historical records were kept --
And with a blink of his eye and a cock of his head,
"Intriguing! Tomorrow is Christmas!" he said.

But no one was stirring, and he sought to find why,
And so he buzzed Geordi, who awoke with a sigh:
"Christmas? It's only an old holiday --
Now just let me get back to sleep, okay?"

"But is to wish Merry Christmas not human to do?"
And so Data wished it -- to the whole ship and crew.
Everyone on the Enterprise awoke from this clatter --
Picard rushed to the bridge to see what was the matter.

"What is the meaning of this noise, Mister Data?"
"Sir, is it not Christmas--?" "We'll discuss it much later!"

Just then Worf said, "Captain -- a Klingon Prey Bird!
Its hull has been damaged -- it's uncloaking, sir."
"On screen," said Picard, as the Klingon ship hailed:
"Federation vessel, our Life Support systems have failed!

A strange ship attacked us, inflicting the worst,
(though naturally, of course, we'd fired on it first)."
The Klingons beamed over, and the senior staff met,
To try and determine the source of the threat.
Said Picard, "Mister Data, an assignment for you:
Give all of these Klingons something to do!
They think it's the Romulans we should look for,
Get them all off the bridge, before there's a war!"

So Data departed, while the rest of the crew
Wondered: Romulans? Ferengi? If not them, then who?

Said Worf, "Sir -- disturbance on Holodeck Three!"
The entire bridge crew ran down there to see.
Roared Picard, "Mister Data, what the devil is this!!"
"Sir, I have taught the Klingons how to celebrate Christmas."

And so there they were -- on holodecks 3, 4 and 5
With synthohol, singing and Rokeg Blood Pie!
Soon the Big E was rocking with holiday cheer
Friend, foe, and family came from both far and near.

The Romulans showed up with some Romulan Ale,
The Ferengi brought goodies for free -- not for sale!
But a strange ship was coming, the captain was told,
With one crew member only, and a huge cargo hold.

Said the Klingons, "It's the strange ship that fought us -- attack!"
Said Picard, "On Christmas? -- Mister Worf, just hold back."

And then as the ship came into view,
Onscreen came its captain -- none other than Q!

He wore a white beard and a suit of deep red...
"Joyeux Noel, mon captain," was what Santa Q said.
"Tell those Klingons next time to not go so berserk.
You need good defense systems in this line of work.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be warping away...
Did you think anyone else could do this job in one day?"

"I'm sensing emotion," said Counselor Troi,
"Peace in the galaxy, Good Will and Joy."
And they stood on the bridge and watched Q take flight,
shouting,

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!!"

---Author Unknown






'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the ship
Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip;
The phasers were hung in the armory securely,
In hope that no aliens would get up that early.The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks
(Except for the few who were partying drunks);
And Picard in his nightshirt and Bev in her lace,
Had just settled down for a neat face-to-face...
When out in the halls there arose such a racket,
That we leapt from our beds, pulling on pants and jacket.
Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun,
Leapt into the cars and yelled loudly, "Deck One!;

"It's Riker! It's Data! It's Worf and Jean-Luc!
It's Geordi! And Wesley, the genetic fluke!
To the top of the bridge, to the top of the hall!
Now float away, float away, float away all!"

As leaves in autumn are whisked off the street,
So the floor of the bridge came away from our feet,
And up to the ceiling our bodies they flew,
As the captain called out, "What the heck is this Q?!".

The prankster just laughed and expanded his grin,
And, snapping his fingers, he vanished again.
As we took in our plight and were looking around,
The spell was removed, and we crashed to the ground.

Then Q, dressed in fur from his head to his toe,
Appeared once again to continue the show.
"That's enough!" cried the captain, "You'll stop this at once!",
And Riker said, "Worf! Take your aim at this dunce!",

"I'm deeply offended, Jean-Luc," replied Q.
"I just wanted to spend Christmas with you."
As we scoffed at his words, he produced a large sack.
He dumped out the contents, and took a step back.

"I've brought gifts," he said, "just to show I'm sincere.
There's something delightful for everyone here."
He sat on the floor and dug into the pile,
And handed out gifts with his most charming smile.

"For Counselor Troi, there's no need to explain,
Here's Tylenol-Beta for all of your pain.
For Worf I've got mints as his breath's not too great,
And for Geordi LaForge, an inflatable date.
For Wesley, some hormones, and Clearasil-Plus;
for Riker, a truss.
For Beverly Crusher, there's sleek lingerie,
And for Jean-Luc, the pleasure to see her that way.

Then he sprang to his feet with that grin on his face,
And, clapping his hands, disappeared into space.
But we heard him exclaim as he dwindled from sight,

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good flight!!"

---Author Unknown


Let It Snow (sung by: Jean Luc Picard)

Oh, the vacuum outside is endless,
Unforgiving, cold, and friendless,
But still we must boldly go--
Make it so, make it so, make it so!



Winter Wonderland (sung by: Jean Luc Picard)

We've just passed, Starfleet inspection
Just plot a course --- any direction
We're gonna explore, where none have before,
Cruising in the starship Enterprise

On my starship, I can run a program
And pretend that I am Dixon Hill
Walk into my office and then --- oh man!!
My secretary 's making out with Wil...

I need a break, from Wesley's whinin'
I'll have some tea --- then talk to Guinan
A nice quiet chat, about her new hat,
Cruising in the starship Enterprise



Deck The Halls (sung by: William Riker)

Here's a vexing Christmas riddle:
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
Why must I play second fiddle?
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
How can I impress Deanna
(Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la la la)
When I'm number two banana?
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)

Girls find him so cute and cuddly
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
(He) thinks his beard makes him so studly
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
Sleeps around, does what he pleases...
(Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la la la)
Spreading outer-space diseases
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)



God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (sung by: Wesley Crusher)

I'm at Starfleet Academy,
And I'd just like to say
I miss the opportunity
To weekly save the day--
To make things worse, I have to be
In some dumb Christmas play!
Yes, I'm bright, though I'm just a teenaged boy,
Only a boy,
And the Enterprise was my most favorite toy!

I study hard, I do my best
I really try and try ---
(But) Sternbach and Okuda
Are finding ways for me to die
I'm such a charming little tyke
It's such a vicious ploy
"Maim that child" was just overheard from Troi,
Counselor Troi (!)
I guess starships might not be the place for boys



Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas (by: Deanna Troi)

I get no surprises out of Christmas--
Presents leave me blue--
I know what they're giving me
Before they do.

Who wants to be Betazoid at Christmas?
I read Jean-Luc's mind:
"What's the cheapest gift for Troi that I can find?"

Geordi thinks I'm a "Beta-bore"--
Worf likes Data more--by far.
Wes to Mom takes his whinin', or,
Sobs to Guinan o'er the bar.

In Will's dreams I'm in a reindeer costume
Bare at breasts and thighs--
He as Santa merrily
His whips applies.

Oh, Christmas is no fun aboards the Enterprise.



Jingle Bells (sung by: Data)

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle all the way!
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh--

or so I am reliably informed; lacking a subjective and intuitively perceived referent for the term "fun," I am able only to report the phenomenon as experienced by others, whose individual perceptions somewhat color the ---

yes, sir.



White Christmas (sung by: Worf)

I'm dreaming of a dead Pakled,
Just like the one in Rec Deck Eight.
They all think they've hidden,
But this one didn't,
And I'm using him as bait.

I'm dreaming of a dead Pakled--
Their mental skills are rather lame.
May your foes die sonless, in shame--
And I hope you're wishing me the same!



Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire (sung by: Worf)

Phasers flashing in the depths of space,
Ripping up an airtight hull;
Signs of fear on your enemy's face,
And life-support signs reading null!

Ev'rybody knows a Romulan's a spineless foe
Who lacks the Klingon will to fight!
Phaser beams set his torso aglow--
He'll find it hard to breathe tonight!

He knows that Worf is on his way!
And soon he'll be the object of the verb "to slay"!
And ev'ry slinking Rom and Pakled spy
Will soon become the subject of the verb "to die"!

And so I'm offering this simple threat
To Roms, and all Ferengi, too:
You'll be as dead as a life-form can get--
Merry Christmas to you!

----

Courtesy of Memory Alpha:

Christmas is an ancient Earth religious holiday in the Christian faiths that celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ, who according to Christian theology is the son of God. It also has roots in ancient pagan Earth religions. It is celebrated on December 25.

In 2000, while recording a personal journal entry on December 27, Shannon O'Donnell noted that while she wasn't looking forward to New Year's Eve, at least Christmas was over. (VOY: "11:59")

In the Julian Bashir, Secret Agent holoprogram, Julian Bashir gave Anastasia Komananov a set of exploding earrings for Christmas of 1963. (DS9: "Our Man Bashir")

In 2266, a Christmas party was held for personnel in the science labs of the Federation starship Enterprise. James T. Kirk made an appearance, and ended up spending a romantic evening with Helen Noel after they met, danced and he talked about the stars. (TOS: "Dagger of the Mind")

Christmas is the setting of A Christmas Carol, a play in which Data was going to be performing as Ebenezer Scrooge in 2367. (TNG: "Devil's Due")

While trapped in the Nexus in 2371, Captain Jean-Luc Picard experienced a Christmas – complete with a Christmas tree, presents and dinner – with his illusory children and wife, before being shaken from his reverie and resuming his mission to stop Tolian Soran from destroying the Veridian system. (Star Trek Generations)

Photobucket


While attempting to escape Q in 2372, Q briefly tried to hide the USS Voyager, disguising it as an ornament on a Christmas tree. (VOY: "Death Wish")



I should mention that Memory Alpha fails to mention Scotty's remark in ST II: "The energizer's lit up like a "Christmas tree" but don't give me too many bumps..."

Views: 40

Comment

You need to be a member of TREKSPACE to add comments!

Join TREKSPACE

Comment by Darn Tigh on December 23, 2009 at 5:00pm
Merry Christmas , Joe ! A Great Post to completely enjoy on Christmas Day ! And that I'm sure it is All The Goodness and Fun that helps keep The Light Shining !!! Best Wishes To Yourself and Wife on Christmas !!! Cheers !!!!

Badge

Loading…

Latest Activity

Fleet Admiral S'Ran (aka) Keith replied to Richard Magnusson's discussion USS CYGNUS TNG: Role Play Sim Episode 1 - THE MAIDEN VOYAGE in the group USS CYGNUS - THE NEXT GENERATION
"Admiral Magnusson... (using hand gestures to introduce) this is Gul Ma'ret...a former informant of mine while I was head of Starfleet security...and this is his associate J'Rel....(hand still on the ready to grab phasor)  (not…"
4 hours ago
Fleet Admiral S'Ran (aka) Keith commented on Richard Magnusson's group USS CYGNUS - THE NEXT GENERATION
"My apologies for my absence.  I have been....pre occupied.   \V/ LL&P"
4 hours ago
John Carl Mann posted a status
"*5 iz 5, no need fer jive*,, lol..?"
5 hours ago
John Carl Mann gave a gift to 5 members
5 hours ago
Amanda Rose left a comment for X'Zarreth T'Kon: ETERNAL EMPRESS
"I appreciate the welcome.  However, your link was non-functional for me.  :)"
6 hours ago
Stopher Clark left a comment for X'Zarreth T'Kon: ETERNAL EMPRESS
"Thank you for your welcome. I look forward to checking out your page. Very interested in the work you mentioned that your husband does. I do special effects makeup myself gearing towards trek."
6 hours ago
Trekscribbler (aka Ed) posted a blog post

July 23: On This Day In Science Fiction History

Outside of having a memorable turn as a brief replacement captain of the Starship Enterprise-D on Star Trek: The Next Generation, actor Ronny Cox is known for his star turn in 1987's Robocop.  As the ruthless CEO for OCP, he oversaw the entirety of the program that developed the ultimate crime-fighting machine and even…See More
17 hours ago
John Carl Mann gave a gift to 5 members
yesterday
warjinzo posted photos
yesterday
Trisha Tunis is now friends with Daniel Root, James, Bounty hunter Thomas Wolfe and 7 more
yesterday
Trekscribbler (aka Ed) posted blog posts
yesterday
JacquelinedivaGuinan posted a status
"*H*A*P*P*PY* *B*I*R*T*H*D*A*Y* shouts to all who had one today!!"
yesterday

© 2014   Created by Alec Peters.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service