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Question: How many ears does Picard have?
Answer: Three. A right ear. A left ear. And a final front ear.
Question: What did Picard say as Data struggled to repair the Marclosian Stitching Machine?
Answer: "Make it sew."
Question: What did the first officer answer when Picard asked "Why did you let Troi win at poker?"
Answer: "Because I Riker."
Question: What did the blonde Klingon say?
Answer: "It was a good day to dye."
Question: What is Thomas Riker's dating philosophy?
Answer: "If at first you don't succeed, try Troi again."
Question: What do you get if you cross a borg with a black magic marker?
Answer: A borg with a big black X on it.
Question: What did Worf say when small ice asteroids began hitting the Enterprise hull?
Answer: "Captain, we are being hailed."
Question: What did Will Riker say when he discovered that he had a transporter duplicate?
Answer: "We're Number One! We're Number One!"
Question: Why are Beverly Crusher, Worf, and Deanna Troi similar?
Answer: Because one's a Doc, one's a Worf, and one's a Marina.
Question: What does Major Kira's emergency signal sound like?
Answer: NANA NANA NANA NANA.
Question: Did you hear about the singing contest for young men at Starfleet Academy?
Answer: It's called the Kirk Tenor Prize.
Question: How many of the Enterprise's senior officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: All of them. One to screw it in, and the rest to debate the moral implications.
Question: What did LaForge say when his girlfriend asked him what to wear on their date?
Answer: "I'm BLIND!"
Question: What did Lore use to kill Data's cat?
Question: What do you call it when that Strategic Operations Officer on DS9 runs as fast as he can?
Answer: Worf Speed.
Question: Why couldn't Kira get permanent quarters on DS9?
Answer: Because everybody knew she was a Visitor.
Question: What did the senior staff of DS9 sing when Kira was packing to leave
at the beginning of "The Circle"?
Answer: Nana, Nana . . . Nana, Nana . . . Hey, hey, hey, goodbye!
Question: What do you do if O'Brien refuses to fix your ship after you dock at DS9?
Answer: Colm Meaney. (For those of you who don't know "Colm" isn't pronounced "Kohlm." It's pronounced more like "column.")
Question: What is Sisko's favorite breakfast?
Answer: Quarker Oates.
Question: How would B'Elana Torres introduce her significant other?
Answer: I'd like you to meet my better third.
Question: What do you get when Gul Dukat kills off his half-Bajoran, half-Cardassian daughter?
Answer: Bacardi on ice.
Question: Did you hear that the crew of the Enterprise is getting married?
Answer: They have engaged the Borg.
Question: What do you get when you cross Lwaxana Troi with the bridge of a Starfleet vessel?
Answer: An empty bridge
Question: Did you hear that Jonathan Frakes is starring in a remake of an old
James Bond movie?
Answer: It's called Moonriker.
Question: What did the Jamaican say to the Ferengi captain who was visiting Earth?
Answer: Have a nice Dai Mon.
Question: What do you get when you throw the casing of an unborn chicken at Quark's nephew?
Answer: Egg Nog.
"Didn't Jeordi ask me that?"
Question: What would the communication officer of DS9 say to Captain Sisko when a person is going on and on on the fifth channel of communications?
Answer: Sir Babylon 5.
Question: How many TOS landing party members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but the extra red-shirt will die in the attempt.
Question: How many Voyager crew members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: However many it takes, you can be sure a shuttlecraft will be destroyed during the attempt.